Let's talk about sex baybee!


8/11/20233 min leer


The Why

There are numerous reasons why there should be open, non-judgemental conversations about sex better couples. You and you partner(s) may feel that your sex life may be slowing down. Re-igniting the spark in your sexual relationship show commitment to ensuring that things never go stale.

There may also be a sexual health concern especially when you're not mutually exclusive or have multiple partners. Conversations about safe sex are absolutely non-negotiable. You have one life to live and your sexual vivacity should not spell gloom and doom because precautions were overlooked.

Additionally, you want to find out more about your partner’s sexual needs and fantasies and vice-versa. You’d like to see if it is something worth exploring and experimenting.


The How

It is tempting to be selfish when sharing your sexual needs but remember that you don’t want to cause performance anxiety and condemn your sex life to an eternity cream cracker blandness. Stay with us, contrary to the preceding advice, use “I” statements when conveying what you’d like your partner to or not to do when you’re being physically intimate. Rather than say “you always bite too hard on my nipples”, try saying “ I like it when you suck my nipples gently”.

This not only gives your partner a sense of what you like and how to go about pleasing you, it’s an additional turn on factor for him/her.

Avoid having tough sexual conversations during or right after sex. It is best to have the conversation way before sex to hint your partner on what your needs or fantasies are. If you have this conversation during sex, chances are you’ll come off like a traffic warden and after sex may feel like they are on an episode of Judge Judy, “Orgasm achieved?”, “Overruled counsel!”

It is also crucial to check if your partner is comfortable before initiating a sexual conversation. It can get weird fast. You can start off by saying, “I’d like to have an open and honest chat about our sex life and I’d like for it to be a judgement-free conversation. We can stop whenever it gets awkward”. Be perceptive. If you get the sense that your partner feels uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation, it’s best to ask how they feel and why they feel that way.

The idea behind the conversation is for both of you to get a clearer idea of what your needs are, what is working and what your sex life is better off without. Asking questions that elicit limited yes or no responses counter-productive can be counter productive to the exercise. In the same vein, help your partner fully understand your needs by divulging more than one-worded answers. Remember, your partner may be just as nervous as you are.

Our parting advice is to remember that pleasure is not exclusive to one sex. Both sexes are equally entitled to pleasure in mutually gratifying ways. Talk it out and discover the answers together. I found Netflix's "The Principles of Pleasure" and "Sex, Explained" to be game changers. Explore, be consensually adventurous, respect each other's preferences and what’s most paramount, enjoy the ride (pun intended).